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| Tuckered out after playing at Mike & Brits! |
It has been a week since we found out about Connors diagnosis. A week of worrying and a week that I am forgetting everything. The only thing on my mind is Connor and his surgery. A stressful week, there will be times that I am completely fine and then times where I just break down and cry. I know that he is going to be OK, but I can't help but think, "What if?" I have been researching a lot out his condition. Sometimes I have to stop because I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack. I know that every child is different and every surgery is different, but still it scares me to death. A lot of things that I have read say that this condition is genetic, but neither Andrew or I have anyone in our family with this. It is just something that happened. I also have found that if you have one child with this condition, the chances of having another baby with this are 50/50. Most of you know my love for children, this is very heartbreaking for me. I don't think that I can go through all of this again. Even though it might not happen, I just do not think I will be able to handle it. I have gone through the anger stage, not really angry screaming just angry that this is happening. I have gone through the guilt stage, thinking that I did something wrong and that this is somehow my fault and I have/still am in the sad phase where I just cry and worry. And think about the bad. But I have been trying to remind myself of the positive-We are lucky we found out now, we are blessed to be in such a great hospital and we are so thankful for Mike and Brittany for saying something, I seriously will be thanking them for the rest of my life!!
I am so grateful for our friends and family that are throwing the benefit for Connor. It makes me so happy to know that we have such wonderful people supporting us. I want to thank everyone for the messages, texts, phone calls, donations and letters in the mail. It means so much to me, I cant even explain it. Last night my sister and my mom went to Staples to print off the flyers for Connors benefit, a man paid for all of them. That made me feel SO GOOD. Today I went and picked them up, the lady at the counter brought them too me and had tears in her eyes, when she handed them too me she started to cry. Then I started to cry. She told me how sorry she was and that she has a two year old and she doesn't know what she would do if she was in my shoes. She kept telling me how sweet and happy Connor was and told him to be strong for his Mommy! Connor just smiled at her and waved as we walked out the door. Little things like that make me feel better. I know I am not alone. I know that we have a huge support system behind us.
As for now we are enjoying every moment we have with Connor pre- surgery. He is really starting to walk now, its going to be hard to stop him from climbing on things after the surgery. I want to wrap him in bubble wrap!
Thank you for all of the prayers and continued support!!
Until next time!
Katie :)
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings at this difficult time. Although our hearts are breaking for you, we know that all of you are in God's hands.
ReplyDeleteLove, Gr Sherry
Katie...I continue to hold all of you in my heart and prayers. I know the feelings you are going through. I lost a baby 21 years ago. Her name was Hope. She lived for minutes after birth and passed from a genetic defect Trisomy 13. When we were told neither one of us had this genetic defect in our family. My doctor told us it could have been anything and usually happens right after conception and could been even a cosmic ray hitting the egg.. He said we are unaware of all the unseen energies that go through and around us all the time. I drove myself crazy with the why. In retrospect I can now understand why we lost her...maybe not why she had the defect but what losing her did for our life and if you can even imagine for the good...not bad. Take each moment as if comes and know he is surrounded with so much love and prayers. As time goes by you will see why. Now know we love you, Andrew, and Connor. Just breathe.
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